I Believe In A World Where It's Okay To Smile And Feel Safe In Your Skin.

update?

2009-12-07T05:19:03Z

I'm so absent lately. I'm not really in my own skin. I'm floating above all of you and wishing that I never have to come down from this high.

Please don't wake me.

last night

2009-11-07T14:11:48Z

My phone keeps messages you're typing and won't delete them until you yourself deletes them.

So last night I apparently sent a text message to my friend offering him grilled cheese as a peace offering because we were at war....

the message said;

"General,

Please accept this peace offering of grilled cheese in hopes that our nations may be at peace and that we may prosper from our unitation.

General Rastelli."

I wish I didn't text and drink.

Dear Life.

2009-10-19T11:29:13Z

I'm pretty out of it, and I really wish I wasn't a shitty friend.

But I really can't be a good friend, if I can't even be good to myself.

And at this point... I hate myself.

what a shitty day.fml.

terrible humor.

2009-10-17T02:06:54Z

I was thinking back about a year and wondering how the fuck can life seem so innocent in high school and then once you leave the safe walls bad shit happens. How do you wake up one morning and then realize you never went to sleep and that everything you had hoped was a big joke, wasn't?

How does someone like Scott Boegle die? How the fuck in two days does someone so pure like Scott die?

I wish I had the answer. I wish someone had an answer. All I can end with is the most obvious of questions... but how does something like this happen?

Confused.

2009-09-14T23:50:31Z

I don't know anymore. I'm kind-of sad about it... but it's like you said... "If someone can know everything about you, and not love how amazing you are, then they aren't worth your time."

I hate myself for loving you.

2009-09-01T18:24:31Z

I told you how I felt...but you never answered me.

Why do we have to play the games we play...just tell me no already.

I think I could learn to love you, if you let me.

2009-08-31T00:47:16Z

I wrote a song today.

I'm kind-of giddy, yet at the same time...I'm afraid of you.

IMSORRYIVEVANISHED

2009-08-23T05:17:42Z

ASSTATEDINTHETITLEIMSORRYIHAVEVANISHEDFROMYOURLIVESGUYS,LETSHANGOUTAGAINREALSOONK?FANKS.

I mean it xD

Work.

2009-08-16T02:53:13Z

So John and I really are getting along now, I really enjoy talking to him now. I was unsure about him but now I'm cool with it.

Work was rough today, I did terrible and I know I can do better but I really was just not feeling it today. I had a terrible headache. I know, I know, excuses, excuses but I know I will do better next week, it's my goal to do better than 10 and 5.

I'm so tired lately, I can't sleep. I mean, I have trouble sleeping as it is but I really, really just can't sleep.

I want to go to bed but Harper thinks night time is the best time to attack my wall and climb it.

Damn kitteh.

Short and to the point.

2009-08-15T15:20:09Z

So I saw District 9 with a few friends, drank a little bit...I have no idea when, I can't even remember. Ever since James came back, I don't know days anymore; which is fine because I like when the days mold together with him, it's like we're just living out forever and the world means nothing anymore.

Pardon my deep thoughts, I'm still under the help of sleep aid.

I love, love, love, love life.

Oh and I totally will NOT have the scrapbook finished by tuesday so he's going to get that later.

The end.

So I forgot to post.

2009-08-10T14:35:45Z

Pretty much James went to Ireland for a week and a half, and for some reason this morning I missed him more than ever (even though he is coming home tomorrow).

I kind-of wish I got to see friends a little bit more these few days but I've honestly been at work and taking care of his cats I didn't really get to do much. I kind-of just want to have a big party.

I bought Nikki's b-day present....though, I looked at her lj again and some of the are bold, and I am hoping that just means more want/need and not I already have.

Oops.

I have to go feed the cats now but, random note, I might have eczema! What the fuck? I don't even know where it came from, how I got it. I honestly thought it was you were born with, APPARENTLY NOT. I'm going to the doctor later on this week to confirm it and to get a treatment for it. Apparently if I don't get any treatment I could get an infection. Also, I read something about a curable type of eczema? I hope I have that...

Lack of sleep.

2009-07-28T11:06:58Z

My kitten won't let me sleep.

Ever.

So I'm awake.

It's 7 am. I didn't sleep.

ahhh I'm bored.

Nephew and Harper.

2009-07-19T02:42:48Z

So here is how great my life is. Thursday my Nephew was born. Alexander Tanner Rastelli, 18inches, 7lbs 6oz and a full head of hair. Also, I am getting a kitten, his name is Harper and I love him.

Alex:

Harper:

He's asleep on my chest xD I love him so.

Purple.

2009-07-14T17:29:00Z

I really am out of things to do this summer. I'm working and then writing my novel, that's all I've got. I have to give money to Jen, hopefully I will see her soon, I miss her. I also hope to see Nikki again sometime this week, and so many other people too. People, get me out of my house please.

These Crazy Things.

2009-07-10T23:20:09Z

So, Mimzy passed away a few days ago. I really missed her, she was my best friend(animal wise)

I loved her so much and I still cry about it. I'm actually more upset about that then what's recently going on in my life...

Ummm...I don't really want to post it on live journal, I'd rather say it in person, but I need to wait a week before I make it official, so ask me in a week and I shall tell...

Portable.

2009-07-06T15:44:13Z

I think I am going to go find a portal to another dimension....

Yes, that sounds wonderful.

While My Guitar Gently Weeps.

2009-06-26T15:12:24Z

For those of you who ask me why the rain hasn't brought me down yet, oh it has, trust me, but you kids don't see me off my medication so therefore, I always appear happy. It's actually kind-of funny. I'm actually quite thankful for anti-depressants because I don't think I could handle this depressing weather, or anything in my life right now. Let me clarify, my life isn't bad, I just wish it wasn't annoying. I feel like lately a lot of people have just been around to bother me, and I hate that. Also, I've been working extra hard at work because we have a new girl who is taking my place(or so John says if my numbers are bad). He's using my competitiveness against me, which, is working for sales but I don't want to hate the girl. She's really nice actually, except she's blonde and skinny and James thinks she's pretty. I almost broke up with him over that actually, but that's a different and funny story. I'm supposedly going to Utopia today to find a Baja Rasta Hoodies. They're actually called Earth Ragz. I recommend everyone Google it and tell me how comfortable it looks, it's amazing. I almost jumped a kid that lives on my block for his. I hope Utopia has it because I don't know where else to get it but online, and I have issues with buying things online. Haha. But if anyone knows where I can get this hoodies(other than online) let me know. I want one so bad. Also after Utopia, I'm going to bug James to take me to the book store, I need something new to read. Not that I mind reading my books over and over again, I just want a new story today. Also, I've been listening to the Beatles more than I used to, a lot of their songs are inspiring my book and I never realized how many songs really described what I was writing. It's pretty cool because I do love the Beatles, I just never really listened to them as much as I used to. Rahh, I have to go wake up James, Entry Over!

Mindless Self-Pity

2009-06-23T20:57:14Z

I'm sorry, don't read this.

I'm so fucking fat, I'm a total fucking fat ass, when did I get this way? I'm so fucking out of shape and so fucking fat, I need to lose weight and I need to lose it now.

This is disgusting, it truly is, I hate myself so much right now.

DO IT

2009-06-12T04:26:57Z

1. Your Middle Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favorite Movie:
5. Favorite Song or Album:
6. Favorite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
9. Do we know each other outside of LJ?
10. What's your philosophy on life?
11. Is the bottle half-full or half- empty?
12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
13. What's your favorite memory of us?
14. What's your favorite guilty pleasure?
15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
16.Y ou can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget the 'world peace etc' malarky) what are they?
17. Can we get together and make a cake?
18. Which country is your spiritual home?
19. What's your big weakness?
20. Do you think I'm a good person?
21. What's your best/favorite subject at school?
22. Describe your accent:
23. If you could change anything about me, would you?
24. What do you wear to sleep?
25. Trousers or skirts?
26. Cigarettes or alcohol?
27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together?
28. Will you repost this so I can fill it up for you?do

Hello.

2009-06-10T14:05:16Z

So I need feedback now;

For my two year anniversary with James(Yes we've put up with each other that long) I decided to make a scrap book (After you know a nice dinner and what not).

So far so good?

Well you see, back when James went away to college, he would call me every night and make up random little stories in attempt to get me to fall asleep. So I thought, why don't I write him a cute little story in the form of this scrap book of nonsense and you know...

Is it a bad idea? I'm just worried he won't like it...or even appreciate it...

Thoughtful.

2009-06-05T16:20:10Z

Sometimes I wish that I never had to feel was love. But Kim, Love is a very important emotion, without love there would only be hate!

Actually, that's not true. Love is nothing but a mix of emotions in one. Love is not one emotion and that's why I hate it. It's never a constant feeling of happiness or sadness. Love messes with your mind and it just rips you apart. You can't feel love on your own either. You need the other person to feel it with you or else you're on the wrong side of things and next thing you know you're crying over them and their just living their lives.

Love is not something I want to feel. I don't want to have a pit in my stomach every time I think of someone, I don't want to hate them for not calling, I don't want to be miserable because I don't know how they are feeling. I don't want to love unless someone is suffering over me the way I am suffering over them. That's what love is, it's an emotion you can't feel without suffering, and without the one you love suffering over you. It's two people suffering the same emotions for each other.

When only one person suffers, it's not love... only pain.

That is why I do not want to feel love.

Forget it.

2009-06-01T01:40:52Z

I don't know if I should be crying right now; I mean, I was stupid enough to let it happen for the third time. Why should I be crying, I half expected it, did I not? Now, the only question here is...what do I do now? Do I leave him, break my heart in the process and maybe one day get over him? Or do I wait for him to break my heart again, and again, and again? This alawys happens to me... I'm such a fool to believe love can exist in this world, I am such a fool to believe that maybe there are such things as a happy ending. I am a stupid shit for ever believing he could love me more than her. Hell, I was stupid to believe he could ever love me at all... I don't want to talk about this, I really don't. My heart is breaking just having the thoughts pass through my mind, I can't even begin to think about making actual words about it. Just writing it is causing an emotional break down.

He just looked at me...when I asked him if he was talking to her again. He looked at me without remorse and said "yes.". How can anyone...I just... I don't understand... He says I have nothing to worry about, but in my heart; in my head I know... I just know...

Please, someone, tell me this is a nightmare...and I'll wake up soon...

Selfish.

2009-05-29T17:14:57Z

I'm not exactly 100% sure how I'm feeling. I've been working a lot this week and working on shit for school and trying to have a social life somewhere in there.

It's not working so much.

I don't really have much to say except that I'm ultimately tired.

The end.

Diseased.

2009-05-23T15:38:32Z

The wheel of monotony has been spinning for twenty minutes or so. It hasn't stopped. I'm going to shoot myself.

Fail.

2009-05-18T18:05:31Z

So I got an A on my music theory final, but that wasn't enough to bump my grade up to anything higher than a C. I have a C and I'm trying to fight it and see if there is anything I can do to get my grade to even a C+, anything higher than a C.

I suck.

In lighter news, Nikki and I are making a horror movie. It's going to be so kick ass. I can't wait.

I kind-of just want to curl up into a giant pillow and just waste away today. Not feel sorry for myself, just, waste away.